Should I Drug Test My Child

When parents have suspicions that their children are using drugs, they commonly want to know if they should drug test their child. It's a great question, but one with no simple answer. There is no clear cut right or wrong decision when it comes to testing a kid for drug use.  

When you are dealing with these kinds of questions, it is important to be up front with your child.  Ultimately, you want your son or daughter  to be honest with you.  Start off on the right track and demonstrate that you are willing to do the same thing.  There may be some situations where it might be appropriate to take a hair sample and test it without the knowledge of your child, but as a general rule, discuss any plans to drug test your child prior to implementing them (even if it is immediately before you collect what you need to collect).  Likely, this kind of discussion will lead to conflict and discord, but it will signal to your teenager that he is being kept in the loop. 

Keep in mind that drug testing your child could damage trust.  Some parents may laugh at this,  thinking that there is no trust in the relationship or see the irony that a teenager using drugs might think it is reasonable to feel offended that her parent doesn't trust her.  Nevertheless, it is vital to to think about the issue of trust and address it.  It is almost a certainty that your teenager will feel violated by the idea of being drug tested by you.  This opens up a great opportunity for you to say, "we do have some serious doubts about your honesty.  We care about you and need to know if you are using drugs so that we can help you if you are".  If your child is using, you can explain that trust  can be repaired and talk to him about what needs to happen so that the trust can be restored.  If you find that your daughter hasn't been using drugs, this gives an excellent opportunity to admit that your doubts were wrong and have a discussion about the situation that led you to believe that drug testing was a necessary step.  Remember to listen to your child's opinions on these matters and accept that his or her perspective is different from yours.  

Sometimes, you can make drug testing seem good for your child.  If you engage your daughter in a conversation about what has made you think drug use might be an issue, you can ask how she would feel about taking a drug test just so that you know she is clean and so you don't worry any longer.  Sometimes, kids will volunteer to be tested simply to "prove their innocence."  

This is a loaded topic and there is much more that can be said about it.  Drug testing can be an extremely useful tool in addressing a teenager's substance use.  However, it can also add additional conflict to an already tense situation.  Take time and think out what will work best for your child.  Don't be afraid to change plans after you've begun a certain approach if it isn't working.  Handling these kinds of issues can be extremely complicated and daunting.  Fortunately, with supportive parents and treatment kids can recover from even the worst-seeming situations.